Love and Desire

Stop thinking about what you want from another person. Think about the other person. Then you figure out what they want, and what you can provide. Ruminating about your own expectations will only hinder you from doing this.

What do people desire? The opportunity to escape into an adventure, to be a different person than they are in normal life. Politeness, respectful distance, stability, routine; only provide this if the person does not have too much of this in their daily life.

Love inspires uncertainty, pain, rejection, and long periods of wait. We fear this and try to hurry love, thereby making a mess of it. Learn to embrace the obstacles of desire. They do not destroy our pleasure, they only intensify love. Love is precious because it is uncertain.

People hate the feeling of losing control and being manipulated. A seducer’s manipulation will only repel the victim. Always make the other person feel in control. Make every calculated effort seem spontaneous. They will then not realise that it is you who controls the dynamic.

Vulnerability is a tool. A person who seems perfect only arouses fear and jealousy. Make use of your weaknesses at the right moment. If done right (indirectly, through actions), you will arouse sympathy and laughter. If done badly (particularly through whining), you arouse contempt.

Do not allow the other person to take you for granted. A slavish need to please only inspires contempt. You must be willing to walk away from that which you most desire. This independence inspires respect and adoration.

Do not become too familiar. Familiarity breeds contempt. Your continued presence will annoy and irritate. Allow the other person the chance to think about you favourably.

Incite interest by displaying contradictory traits in your behaviour and manner. Once a person knows everything about you, they stop thinking about you. Always suprise them with a new facet of your personality once you sense they have firmed a rigid image of you.